There is usually that little thrill when the flight attendant announces, "Hello, welcome to Whatever City You Are Traveling To Today, the time is (Does it matter? The jet lag fog has descended and you don't care what time it is), thank you for flying in a metal tube with hundreds of other filthy, smelly humans squished into seats that force you to slouch into the fetal position just to survive."
But not this time. I thought there should be, what with this being my first trip to a new continent and all. However, I am ill prepared for this trip - very unlike me. I've read one book about Machu Picchu, then forgot to bring my notes. My pristine, untouched guidebooks are in my luggage. I kind of read the "read this immediately" instructions that came with my vaccinations and altitude medicine. Machu Picchu has been on my list for some time, but I really have zero desire to climb up there to see it. I forgot my hat and umbrella.
I basically have my passport and underwear. Not the worst plan in the world, but perhaps not the best, either. But anymore, I know that those items, plus a camera, are all I really need. Everything else can be improvised or really isn't that important.
So I have a problem. I'm on a trip when I'd rather be at home watching tv (I was right in the middle of the excellent "Inspector Banks" series, for god's sake). Some might call this depression, some an election hangover, some me being lazy or ungrateful. I did sort of pick this particular destination on a whim...I don't have a great passion for this, or anyplace too much anymore.
But as the song goes, "I've read this script, and the costume fits, so I play my part."
The next morning is a little better. Maybe it just the horrible air plane experience doing the talking yesterday. The LIma guide is named Alberto and he is an exceedingly energetic older man, who basically run-walks through Lima. We start at the (of course) Parque del Amor or "Love Park" which overlooks the Pacific Ocean and has a giant statue of two lovers embracing emphatically. The guide says that this is a place "where couples go to share and practice romantic phrases to one another." Apparently, and I imagine, not coincidently, the bridge nearby used to be a popular spot for suicides. Until they put up the plastic partitions. Alberto says that "first, Peruvians kill themselves for love, then maybe because they are sick, then because of money." Sounds about right.
At the park, we spot a man out walking two of the famous ugly Peruvian dogs. They are hairless, but have a weird tuft of hair just along the tops of their heads, giving them a curious Mohawk look. They definitely fall into the so-ugly-they-are-cute category.
I soon notice that a favorite phrase of Alberto's is: "We have that kind of situation here."
He says that an ocean-facing apartment in Miraflores can run $1600-$1800 ("That is the situation we have here.")
Lima doesn't get much rain, so there are no drains in the street - they don't need them. They usually get at most a drizzle. ("That is the situation we have here.")
Peruvians have a number of different accents. Alberto does funny impressions of the different accents of Peru. His phrase, "Excuse me sir, do you have the time?" is repeated for us in about five different accents. ("That is the situation we have here.")
He points out, with admiration, the number of "lady police," They are directing traffic, monitoring parking, etc. He says that they have more lady police now because women are less likely to demand things (bribes) from the people and are also stricter. He tells a story about seeing a police woman writing a ticket to a man, and the man started to argue and plead with her. Alberto said that she "talked to him with energy" and issued the ticket. He said the people were pleased to see this.
First up is a visit to Iglesias de San Francisco. A seventeenth-century church, which while beautiful (it also houses one of two last supper paintings featuring a guinea pig as the main course), doesn't hold a candle to the attached Convento de San Francisco which houses a library with two levels and tiny spiral staircases...and high humidity and glass sunlights. Sigh.
Downstairs, there are catacombs with skulls and bones artfully displayed. It is so warm today that even the catacombs are hot and humid.
Next it was on to Plaza Mayor to visit Pizzaro's final resting place. Francisco Pizzaro was responsible for the Spanish conquering the formidable Inca Empire and bringing what would become Peru into the Spanish fold. He arrived in 1532 and promptly captured the Inca King (or more correctly, The Inca) and held him hostage until he paid up in the way of rooms full of gold and silver. The Inca did pay, but then, through a series of unfortunate events, Pizzaro made the decision that the king had to die. So he gave The Inca a choice. He could be burned alive as a heathen, or the Spaniards would baptize him and then strangle him. He choose to be baptized, and was promptly garroted in the public square.
Pizarro was assassinated in 1541 by his fellow conquistadores, in the place where the presidential palace now stands. It is said that he made the sign of the cross in his own blood before dying. In the Cathedral, there is an impressive memorial to him, alongside a box that was said to contain his bones.
In the square, or rather, around the square, I notice that there are squads of police officers carrying plastic riot shields and standing ready for action. It turns out that they are here, just in case. In case people start to gather, or it looks like there will be a protest. But today, it is just tourists, sweating in the heat, watching the changing of the guard.
Lunch is at the lovely Larco Museum's Cafe. Beautiful gardens and hanging flowers, it is incredibly relaxing. Speaking of relaxing, right next door is the museum of erotic art. The little statues illustrate pretty much every kind of sexual practice you can imagine, including oral, anal, various positions, and even birth. It is an interesting reminder that humans have the same interests, no matter the century.
The main body (so to speak) of the museum is full of ceramics, it houses the largest collection of Peruvian antiquities in the world. Included is a section on human sacrifice, mummies, musical instruments, and gold and silver head dresses.
We drove out to a horse farm to see a demonstration about Peruvian horses, but I didn't find it particularly worth the bother. The drive back to the hotel was spectacular, though, with the sun setting over the Pacific Ocean.
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